When People Rub You the Wrong Way
Colossians 3:12 - 17
Study no. 7
After telling us what things in our lives need to be 'killed' or 'taken off', he starts right in telling the Colossians how to 'dress' for church. What should we wear?
We noted last time that a common denominator in all the things we are to 'take off' is pride. Pride is behind anger, rage, malice, slander and filthy language. Removing pride is much easier to say than to do. It helps to remember who we were and where we came from. Remember the words to the praise chorus, “I was nothing before You found me. You have given life to me, Heartaches, broken pieces, ruined lives are why You died on Calvary1”
Let's look at our spiritual wardrobe. (How to really dress for church!)
Clothe yourselves with: mercy, kindness, humility, meekness, patience; This order may appear a little different, depending which version you are following in, but this is from the King James order.
Mercy – someone owes you. It could be money but it could be that you have done something for them and you feel that person is now in your debt … they should do something for you in return. You think it is just a common courtesy for them to be equally thoughtful toward you. It is so automatic to get irritated with someone who ignores the good you have shown them. Mercy says, go easy on them. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Learn how to give without expecting anything in return. Jesus said this applies to our enemies:
Kindness
Kindness takes mercy to the next level. Mercy simply backs off … lets the person off the hook. Kindness reaches out with goodness … to the same person to whom you just had mercy.
Humility
This is the item that will cause you to refrain letting anyone know about your mercy and kindness.
Patience
And this will enable you to tirelessly keep on humbly showing mercy and kindness.
In verse 13 he mentions that we must 'bear with one another'. This ties in with patience but puts emphasis on the effort that may be required. This is from the Greek dictionary on this word bear: 'to hold up, to hold oneself erect and firm, to sustain, to endure'. The second part of the verse in the NKJV says, 'If anyone has a complaint against another, even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.' If anyone rubs you the wrong way, offends you, cheats you, maligns you, etc., … you must let it go, as far as personal reparation of your character is concerned. We died. But do we just 'forgive' the person without even talking with him? Do we forgive him even if he doesn't ask for forgiveness … and is not repentant at all? More on this in a moment. But for now, the minimum we must do is to let it go, personally.
Sound like hard work? These are things we can just 'put on'? “Put on therefore,”
How? It has everything to do with the fact that we are forgiven.
Matt 18. 21 – 35 Beautifully illustrates how we are able to adopt this Christian 'dress-code'.
In verses 21 and 22 Peter asks, “When someone just keeps rubbing me the wrong way, how many times do I have to forgive him … seven times in one day?” We know Jesus answer, right? “Just keep on forgiving him no matter how many times he does it in one day. As long as he keeps apologizing and asking your forgiveness … keep forgiving.2
23-26… here is how it works:
A Man has miss-managed his employers money and now owes a horrendous debt. The debt is, by today's standards, according to what I could gather on the Web, several million dollars to 7 billion dollars. He begs for mercy, promising to repay it all.
There is no possible way that this man could repay the debt. We are not told how he could have miss-managed things to this degree. He would have to live many lifetimes to repay the debt. This sounds ridiculous to us. But in reality this man is you. This is me. Many of us fail to see the massive size of our debt as we stand before the Lord. This story is given to help us 'get it'.
27 The man is inexplicably forgiven the debt. His life was over. Now he has it back. Wow! Does he appreciate it? Does he really get it? Does he understand what just happened? Just a short while ago he thought he could pay it all back if his employer would just be patient enough. Did he really not know the size of his debt? How about you? How big was your debt? Did you feel it? Were you sinking and about to drown? Or maybe you were like this guy, just give me a little time … I can do this?
Before we continue with the next verse I want to jump to a real life situation that Jesus encountered. You can read about it in Luke 7:36 - 50. Basically this is the story … Jesus is invited for a meal to a Religious leader's house. While they are eating at the table, a woman comes in off the street to see Jesus. In this case there were no chairs around the table, the guests simply sat or knelt on the floor with their feet out behind them. The woman comes up behind Jesus and, crying begins to kiss his feet, anoint them with a costly perfume, and as her tears fell on his feet, she wiped them off with her hair. The man of the house thinks to himself, “If this Jesus were really a prophet, he would know that this is woman of the night. He would not allow himself to be touched by her.”. Jesus reads his mind and asks, “Can I tell you something Simon?” He says, “Go ahead”. Jesus then tells a short story about two men who owed money to the same creditor. One owed a huge amount, the other one owed a small amount. Neither one could pay up. The creditor was not a loan shark .. he forgave them both. Jesus asks, “Of the two, who do you suppose loves this creditor more?”
Jesus then makes this powerful statement: 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven— for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."
Let's go back to our passage in Matthew 18.
Our man who has just been forgiven the multi-million dollar debt … apparently was clueless about the size of it. We don't see him singing songs of praise about his employer. No, we see him finding another man who owed him $18, and grabbing him by the lapel and demanding that he pay up … now! (v28) Then we hear this man begging for mercy … using just about the same words as this first guy did to his employer.
What does he do? (29-30) Has him thrown in jail. Nice person! I know what we are all thinking. How could this idiot not forgive this guy ...seeing what a huge load was just taken off of his back.
What is our verse in Colossians saying? Col 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
So how do we do that? By letting the size of our sin debt really sink in. Once we 'get it' we will be able to forgive anybody ...any amount!
As Christ forgave …
What is the difference between 'forgiving' and 'forgiving'?
Before we leave Peter's question, (How many times do I need to forgive my brother in one day?), let's not overlook some important words.
These were said by Jesus and recorded by Luke in 17:3 So watch yourselves. “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. (4) If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him”. (5) The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!"
We are to forgive … just as Christ forgave us. Question, did he forgive you without you asking for forgiveness? Has he forgiven everyone in the world … just because he can? No, we are taught to ask for forgiveness. We read it in the Lord's prayer … we are taught to ask ..”Forgive us our trespasses as we ...”
If I am to forgive in the same way as Christ forgave me then I will wait until someone comes and asks for forgiveness. That sounds a little hard nosed …. but really it isn't. It is essential. It is important that you always forgive … that is 'let go of it' immediately … without anyone asking you first. But DO NOT GO TO THE PERSON AND SAY, I FORGIVE YOU. It is essential that a person repents, has remorse, Godly sorrow … for their sin. If you forgive without the person having repented you do them incredible harm. This is clearly taught in Matthew 18 in the parable of the lost sheep. I will not go into it here, but it is well worth your studying.
To recap for a moment:
There several factors that affect whether or not we will be able to put off all of those negatives …
put on all of those positives … besides just applying grim effort.
Most of them have to do with 'realization' of biblical truth.
Now we will read verses 14 – 17.
Love is essential. When somebody 'rubs you the wrong way', when they offend you or sin against you, they are in deep trouble with God. They have sinned against one of God's children, (you) and God does not like that. They are out of fellowship and communication with God. They must not be left in that situation. If you love them you will not leave them there. So you must go to them a let them know where they are with God … and that you want them back in fellowship with Him … and in order to do that they must repent of the thing they did to you. Then you can grant forgiveness to them.
Verse 15 is the desired result. Peace (reconciliation with the offender) is ruling in your heart. What a joy to be a part of and to respect the body of Christ.
Verse 16 – Let the Word dwell (live) in you … richly. In all wisdom. It is the word of God we will use in our relationships with one another. Our understanding of it, our practice of it can sometimes be just a little 'bit off' compared to how someone else sees it. We do not want division … so the key phrase is 'in all wisdom'. Use wisdom before you speak your mind about a certain verse that stands out to you.
Use wisdom as we use the Word to 'teach and admonish' one another.
And besides simply using the Word … we can do much teaching and admonishing is singing a Psalm, a hymn, or a spiritual song. Many, if not most, of our present songs of worship do not admonish on another. Is it because our present day christian song writers have been preconditioned to think that as Christians we are to mind our own business? I am reminded of Cain who asked God, 'Am I my brother's keeper?' As a body of believers, Christ's body … we are each others keepers.
Verse 17 is a good place to wrap up this section. What a sobering thought. … Do everything in His name. A reminder … this has nothing to do with his name, proper. This has everything to do with doing what we do … taking his place here on earth. Doing what he did. Doing what he would do.
After all … he endured everything for you.
1Bill and Gloria Gaither 'I will Serve Thee'
2Lu 17:3 So watch yourselves. “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. (4) If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him”. (5) The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!"
Study no. 7
After telling us what things in our lives need to be 'killed' or 'taken off', he starts right in telling the Colossians how to 'dress' for church. What should we wear?
We noted last time that a common denominator in all the things we are to 'take off' is pride. Pride is behind anger, rage, malice, slander and filthy language. Removing pride is much easier to say than to do. It helps to remember who we were and where we came from. Remember the words to the praise chorus, “I was nothing before You found me. You have given life to me, Heartaches, broken pieces, ruined lives are why You died on Calvary1”
Let's look at our spiritual wardrobe. (How to really dress for church!)
Clothe yourselves with: mercy, kindness, humility, meekness, patience; This order may appear a little different, depending which version you are following in, but this is from the King James order.
Mercy – someone owes you. It could be money but it could be that you have done something for them and you feel that person is now in your debt … they should do something for you in return. You think it is just a common courtesy for them to be equally thoughtful toward you. It is so automatic to get irritated with someone who ignores the good you have shown them. Mercy says, go easy on them. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Learn how to give without expecting anything in return. Jesus said this applies to our enemies:
- Lu 6:35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked
- Lu 6:30 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.
Kindness
Kindness takes mercy to the next level. Mercy simply backs off … lets the person off the hook. Kindness reaches out with goodness … to the same person to whom you just had mercy.
Humility
This is the item that will cause you to refrain letting anyone know about your mercy and kindness.
Patience
And this will enable you to tirelessly keep on humbly showing mercy and kindness.
In verse 13 he mentions that we must 'bear with one another'. This ties in with patience but puts emphasis on the effort that may be required. This is from the Greek dictionary on this word bear: 'to hold up, to hold oneself erect and firm, to sustain, to endure'. The second part of the verse in the NKJV says, 'If anyone has a complaint against another, even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.' If anyone rubs you the wrong way, offends you, cheats you, maligns you, etc., … you must let it go, as far as personal reparation of your character is concerned. We died. But do we just 'forgive' the person without even talking with him? Do we forgive him even if he doesn't ask for forgiveness … and is not repentant at all? More on this in a moment. But for now, the minimum we must do is to let it go, personally.
Sound like hard work? These are things we can just 'put on'? “Put on therefore,”
How? It has everything to do with the fact that we are forgiven.
Matt 18. 21 – 35 Beautifully illustrates how we are able to adopt this Christian 'dress-code'.
In verses 21 and 22 Peter asks, “When someone just keeps rubbing me the wrong way, how many times do I have to forgive him … seven times in one day?” We know Jesus answer, right? “Just keep on forgiving him no matter how many times he does it in one day. As long as he keeps apologizing and asking your forgiveness … keep forgiving.2
23-26… here is how it works:
A Man has miss-managed his employers money and now owes a horrendous debt. The debt is, by today's standards, according to what I could gather on the Web, several million dollars to 7 billion dollars. He begs for mercy, promising to repay it all.
There is no possible way that this man could repay the debt. We are not told how he could have miss-managed things to this degree. He would have to live many lifetimes to repay the debt. This sounds ridiculous to us. But in reality this man is you. This is me. Many of us fail to see the massive size of our debt as we stand before the Lord. This story is given to help us 'get it'.
27 The man is inexplicably forgiven the debt. His life was over. Now he has it back. Wow! Does he appreciate it? Does he really get it? Does he understand what just happened? Just a short while ago he thought he could pay it all back if his employer would just be patient enough. Did he really not know the size of his debt? How about you? How big was your debt? Did you feel it? Were you sinking and about to drown? Or maybe you were like this guy, just give me a little time … I can do this?
Before we continue with the next verse I want to jump to a real life situation that Jesus encountered. You can read about it in Luke 7:36 - 50. Basically this is the story … Jesus is invited for a meal to a Religious leader's house. While they are eating at the table, a woman comes in off the street to see Jesus. In this case there were no chairs around the table, the guests simply sat or knelt on the floor with their feet out behind them. The woman comes up behind Jesus and, crying begins to kiss his feet, anoint them with a costly perfume, and as her tears fell on his feet, she wiped them off with her hair. The man of the house thinks to himself, “If this Jesus were really a prophet, he would know that this is woman of the night. He would not allow himself to be touched by her.”. Jesus reads his mind and asks, “Can I tell you something Simon?” He says, “Go ahead”. Jesus then tells a short story about two men who owed money to the same creditor. One owed a huge amount, the other one owed a small amount. Neither one could pay up. The creditor was not a loan shark .. he forgave them both. Jesus asks, “Of the two, who do you suppose loves this creditor more?”
Jesus then makes this powerful statement: 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven— for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."
Let's go back to our passage in Matthew 18.
Our man who has just been forgiven the multi-million dollar debt … apparently was clueless about the size of it. We don't see him singing songs of praise about his employer. No, we see him finding another man who owed him $18, and grabbing him by the lapel and demanding that he pay up … now! (v28) Then we hear this man begging for mercy … using just about the same words as this first guy did to his employer.
What does he do? (29-30) Has him thrown in jail. Nice person! I know what we are all thinking. How could this idiot not forgive this guy ...seeing what a huge load was just taken off of his back.
What is our verse in Colossians saying? Col 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
So how do we do that? By letting the size of our sin debt really sink in. Once we 'get it' we will be able to forgive anybody ...any amount!
As Christ forgave …
What is the difference between 'forgiving' and 'forgiving'?
Before we leave Peter's question, (How many times do I need to forgive my brother in one day?), let's not overlook some important words.
These were said by Jesus and recorded by Luke in 17:3 So watch yourselves. “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. (4) If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him”. (5) The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!"
We are to forgive … just as Christ forgave us. Question, did he forgive you without you asking for forgiveness? Has he forgiven everyone in the world … just because he can? No, we are taught to ask for forgiveness. We read it in the Lord's prayer … we are taught to ask ..”Forgive us our trespasses as we ...”
If I am to forgive in the same way as Christ forgave me then I will wait until someone comes and asks for forgiveness. That sounds a little hard nosed …. but really it isn't. It is essential. It is important that you always forgive … that is 'let go of it' immediately … without anyone asking you first. But DO NOT GO TO THE PERSON AND SAY, I FORGIVE YOU. It is essential that a person repents, has remorse, Godly sorrow … for their sin. If you forgive without the person having repented you do them incredible harm. This is clearly taught in Matthew 18 in the parable of the lost sheep. I will not go into it here, but it is well worth your studying.
To recap for a moment:
There several factors that affect whether or not we will be able to put off all of those negatives …
put on all of those positives … besides just applying grim effort.
Most of them have to do with 'realization' of biblical truth.
- regarding letting go of who I am … I was dead in sin … recognizing that, I consider self dead.
- Regarding extending positive spiritual responses of grace to others … Recognize what tremendous grace was extended to me in Christ.
- When I have a tendency to think … poor me … why do I have to die to myself. Why do I have to extend grace to others? Why does it have to be me always? Stop and contemplate of what you now have … and give thanks.
Now we will read verses 14 – 17.
Love is essential. When somebody 'rubs you the wrong way', when they offend you or sin against you, they are in deep trouble with God. They have sinned against one of God's children, (you) and God does not like that. They are out of fellowship and communication with God. They must not be left in that situation. If you love them you will not leave them there. So you must go to them a let them know where they are with God … and that you want them back in fellowship with Him … and in order to do that they must repent of the thing they did to you. Then you can grant forgiveness to them.
Verse 15 is the desired result. Peace (reconciliation with the offender) is ruling in your heart. What a joy to be a part of and to respect the body of Christ.
Verse 16 – Let the Word dwell (live) in you … richly. In all wisdom. It is the word of God we will use in our relationships with one another. Our understanding of it, our practice of it can sometimes be just a little 'bit off' compared to how someone else sees it. We do not want division … so the key phrase is 'in all wisdom'. Use wisdom before you speak your mind about a certain verse that stands out to you.
Use wisdom as we use the Word to 'teach and admonish' one another.
And besides simply using the Word … we can do much teaching and admonishing is singing a Psalm, a hymn, or a spiritual song. Many, if not most, of our present songs of worship do not admonish on another. Is it because our present day christian song writers have been preconditioned to think that as Christians we are to mind our own business? I am reminded of Cain who asked God, 'Am I my brother's keeper?' As a body of believers, Christ's body … we are each others keepers.
Verse 17 is a good place to wrap up this section. What a sobering thought. … Do everything in His name. A reminder … this has nothing to do with his name, proper. This has everything to do with doing what we do … taking his place here on earth. Doing what he did. Doing what he would do.
After all … he endured everything for you.
1Bill and Gloria Gaither 'I will Serve Thee'
2Lu 17:3 So watch yourselves. “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. (4) If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him”. (5) The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!"