Words, Attitudes and Actions
We ended the last chapter with Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor. I Peter 2:17
The contrast between Christians and unbelievers should be clearly evident. Christians are light, those who belong to this world are called ‘dark’. The lines of distinction between the two can be severely blurred in the country in which we live and in this age.
When we as believers begin thinking that the world is really not all that dark … it means that we are really not walking in the light. For one reason or another, we have grown accustomed to the dark. We can’t really say the difference is all that great.
But if, as Peter tells us to do, we Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor, we are really going to stand out in contrast to those around us.
It is our mission to bring people out of darkness and into the light of God. The brighter we shine, the greater the likeliness that we will draw others to faith in Jesus. Peter said back in verse 9, But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.
1Pe 2:9
As Peter moves forward he addresses how to display Christ-like attitude while living in the very closest of relationships. He has said, Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor. Everyone, the Brotherhood (the church), God, and Government.
But now he addresses house-servants. We don’t know a lot about that, but if you have taken in the Downton Abbey series you are very aware of the two very different worlds between the entitled, and the servants. What Peter is talking about here is like that, only possibly worse. So he says, 18 Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust.
19 For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly.
20 For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God.
Showing respect to ‘the boss’ when the boss is miserable, demanding and unappreciative is one of the harder things to do.
If serving your ‘boss’ is merely a matter of your being employed … you would be free to quit if the conditions are that bad. Slaves were not at liberty to quit. So before we think of just quitting, thinking, “I’ve had just about as much of this abuse as I can stomach. I don’t need this. I’m out of here!”, we need to think about our testimony. Remember Peter’s comment about ‘silencing ignorant people’: 15 For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people.
By ‘doing good’. And going back to verse 12: Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.
So this is the reason to stay there and suffer … we are leaving a witness that can be used to bring them to salvation.
The ESV describes this kind of attitude.
19 For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly.
20 For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God.
This is a gracious thing. The original word used in the Greek bible is χάρις charis (pronounced khar’-ece)
The NKJV uses the word ‘commendable’.
19 For this is commendable, if because of conscience toward God one endures grief, suffering wrongfully.
So it is commendable from God’s point of view if we can suffer wrongfully and maintain a godly attitude … but if we do something wrong and get called on it … Peter asks, 20 (a) For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? That would not be called suffering for the cause of Christ. “But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God.”
We have pointed out that we must leave a good impression and witness with those who are making our lives miserable … in order that we will be there for them when they finally need spiritual direction. But in the next verse Peter points out another reason to behave in a loving godly manner. 21 For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps:
We are called to become like Jesus. So whether we are conscious of what kind of a testimony we are leaving with our employer or not … we are still called upon to follow the example of Jesus. There is an acronym out there like this: WWJD. (What would Jesus do). There is no way we can just pause and think, What would Jesus do … and then act accordingly UNLESS we KNOW what Jesus would do. I want to suggest that we change the acronym to WDJD. (What did Jesus do). This automatically requires that we read the gospels and take note of what Jesus did in each circumstance. Peter says that He left us an example so that we could follow in His steps.
In the next verse Peter points out what Jesus did … as an example for us to follow.
22 He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. Even though we have a ‘sin nature’ and He did not, our attitude toward sin is to be like His. We should hate it and do whatever is in our power to curb it … and not excuse it in our lives. Deceit … while it carries the same thought as ‘lying’ actually emphasises craft and guile. Jesus did not try to use words to trick someone, or use His words in such a way as to convince a person of something that is not true. We are to follow His lead.
23 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.
Reviled is a word that is translated many different ways in the various translations.
The BBE version says, “To sharp words he gave no sharp answer”. The ‘Message’ says, “They called Him every name in the book …”. Philips version; ‘Yet when He was insulted …”. The Williams translations: ‘Although He was abused, He never retorted’
And so we get the picture. 23 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.
Can we do that? Can we leave retaliation and evening the score up to God? God says, ‘I will repay!’
Peter continues with, 24 He bore our sins in His own body on the cross, that we might die to sin and live to uprightness. By His wounds you have been healed,
Peter’s argument is this: You cannot say, “I just can’t help it. I am a sinner and I am going to sin.” True, we still have a sin nature … but the healing of Jesus by His work on the cross produced in us a new nature. This nature can live without sinning constantly. As a matter of fact, the new nature does not sin at all. The apostle John states that, in fact, it CANNOT sin.
1Jo 5:18 ¶ We know that whoever is born of God does not sin; but he who has been born of God keeps himself, and the wicked one does not touch him.
This verse has thrown some for a loop. From this verse there have arisen groups who teach that we must all come to the place in our walk with God where we no longer sin. And the rest of us read this verse and think, ‘What? I know I sin .. but this cannot mean that I am not ‘born of God’, can it?’
But before I comment, let’s read another verse from First John;
1Jo 5:4 For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world — our faith.
Notice the word, ‘whatever’ in this verse. In the previous verse we see ‘whoever is born of God’, but in this verse we see, ‘whatever is born of God’. Why the difference? Actually in the original language there is no difference. In both cases the word ‘whatever’ or ‘whoever’ is the same word. It is the word ‘pan’ (or pas, the same word but in a different form). The word ‘pan’ has been adopted into our language, and it simply means ‘everything … whatever’. (We use the word often these days … when we say ‘pandemic’).
All that to say that the word ‘whoever’ was used in First John 5:28 at the theological discretion of translators. In other words, the translator has to decide, “Is the text talking about a person or a thing? What does the context seem to imply?” And then he (or she) had to pick whether they would use a ‘what’ or a ‘who’.
So I will do the same, that is look at the context, and say that ‘pan’ should be translated as ‘whatever’.
So, whatever is born of God cannot sin. We say, when we came to Jesus, we were ‘born from above’. We say that prior to getting saved, we were ‘dead in our trespasses and sins’.
John also used this language. We know that we have passed from death to life, 1 John 3:14
When we were yet in our unbelief … we had a dead spirit. It died when we first understood right from wrong. So, as UNSAVED humans we were very much alive. We could think, laugh, talk … and sin. That part of us is still the same. But now we have a spirit that is no longer dead. It has been born from above. That spirit cannot sin.
Here, once again, is the verse from Peter: 24 He bore our sins in His own body on the cross, that we might die to sin and live to uprightness. By His wounds you have been healed,
Our new desire … which comes from a spirit that is now alive, is to cause our mind to stop sinning whenever possible. The spirit itself cannot sin, and as a result we have both an old nature and a new one. Peter says, by His wounds you have been healed,. He is talking about the new birth. The dead spirit has been made alive … that is the healing that Peter is talking about. (Very many well-meaning preachers have taken this verse entirely out of its setting and have applied it to the physical healing of the body. It is not talking about that at all.)
Going on, 25 For you were like sheep going astray, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
Peter is alluding to this verse from Isaiah: All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned — every one — to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all. Isa 53:6
Earlier Peter was talking about our testimony as it related to our working environment, and then he switched to talking about the example of Jesus, and how he did not ‘talk back’ no matter what.
And that same attitude carries forward into the next section … how husbands and wives should relate to one another. Not only do the proper actions and attitudes that husbands and wives have with each other reflect the degree and happiness we will have in our marriages, but it also shows up in our testimony to those outside of Christ.
The very closest relationship that one human can have with another (who is not physically related) is that of husband and wife. It is much closer than that of employer-employee.
Living in close proximity with another person, specifically your spouse, first of all, requires adjustment. If you are married you know all about that. Once the initial adjustment is mostly completed, a couple will quickly find out that life will still have many bumps. Very stressful situations will appear, sometimes unexpectedly, and the relationship can become very strained. Words might be said … or silences created … that can result in quite a setback, as far as closeness or intimacy is concerned.
We want to avoid things like this, if possible, for a couple of reasons. The obvious one is the lack of joy in the relationship, and the other one is what others will see, or pick up on. And the ‘others’ who notice it could be friends or enemies. Hopefully the friends will be encouragers, but it's the enemies who are always looking to criticize Christians. Peter is very much about maintaining a good testimony before the unsaved.
Now, having said all of that, we will look at chapter 3 verse 1. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,
2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
The very first thing we notice is that Peter is speaking about a particular setting. He is giving us an example of a Christian wife who is married to an unsaved husband.
Peter does not tell us how this situation could have come to exist. He is writing to scattered believers who had to run from Jerusalem and resettle all over parts of Asia minor. They would have escaped from Jerusalem as ‘believing households’. I cannot imagine a Christian wife running … and having her unbelieving husband to run with her.
So more than likely, Peter is writing when a fair amount of time has passed and new attenders are coming into the little house churches.
It sounds as if soul-winning has been taking place … a couple has heard the gospel and the wife is the first one to respond. This immediately creates a situation in her household. There is a disagreement of beliefs that will create concern. The wife, a new and excited believer, wants, more than anything in the world, for her husband to have eternal life. The husband does not like to be told that he needs to make a change or else he will end up in hell for eternity. You can imagine what this does to harmony and romance.
So Peter addresses this. Here is the passage again:
1. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,
2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
The words ‘be subject’ are not popular these days. Paul uses the word ‘respect’. That one is easier to take. I don’t want to take the time here to expand on this, except to say that ‘submission’ is voluntary in the sense that husbands never have the right to demand such a thing. This is scripture speaking … not to the men, but directly to the woman. So in that sense, she would be submitting to God … a thing which we all must do.
The husband in Peter’s example is described as a person who does not obey the word. That is just another way of saying, unsaved, not born again, an unbeliever etc.
There is hope in this verse. It says that … he may be won. That is good news. But it gets better. It says that he may be won without a word. That should take a lot of pressure off. But wait a minute … how is this going to happen? by the conduct of their wives, So that’s the catch. The wife will be on her best behaviour. She will be behaving totally Christian in all of her responses and attitudes. OK, so the pressure is back on. The husband needs to see your respectful and pure conduct.
I know, no one is perfect. But this is not an excuse. It is a heads-up that something else must be adopted.
The Christian wife needs to do her best in walking with Christ daily. Secondly, she needs to make it clear to her husband that this is her DESIRE. Perhaps she needs to tell her husband that when she fails … and she will, that she will first apologize to God and next she will apologize to her spouse. “I am sorry honey … the way I responded was not good … I hurt both you and God. Please forgive me.”
If the Christian wife has been living with her non-christian husband for a period of years and she has not been living a consistent Christian life in front of him, if she has ‘blown it’ many times, perhaps, then it is likely time for her to do a ‘restart’. (not a popular term these days?)
This would involve a ‘sit-down’ talk that would begin with a confession to her husband. This confession must be totally honest and include a statement regarding her re-commitment to Christ. In this recommitment she would affirm her love for her spouse, and her desire to do things as a united couple whenever possible, BUT that her commitment to Christ, which she has not really made a number one priority, will now come first.
And, for example, if, as a couple, she has been enjoying humour that has been ‘off-colour’ she has to apologize for that. There are 1001 other examples, but I will leave this to your own imagination and application.
The husband must see your respectful and pure conduct.
Peter lays out clearly what a wife must emphasize to her husband.
3. Do not let your adorning be external — the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear —
4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
God is not wishing to put laws and rules upon anyone. What I see here is a process of recommitment to Christ that will begin in the heart … with a fresh decision, and over a short period of time will work itself to the outside, to attitudes and actions.
And then Peter … perhaps sensing that there could possibly be some resentment from a few Christian wives, goes back a couple of thousand years for an ‘example’. Can’t you just hear some people saying, “But Peter, you are clearly not aware of the culture. that is simply not acceptable. Husbands and wives are equal.”
But Peter says, 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 Sarah, you will remember, obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. And you have become her true descendants today as long as you too live good lives and do not give way to hysterical fears.
Peter is using biblical history as some kind of authority on which to base his teaching. The apostle Paul did the same thing but goes back further than Sarah. He goes right back to Adam and Eve.
Next Peter gives some advice that really balances the equation in such a way that genuine harmony will be felt at home and seen by others. This comment of Peter’s is addressed to Christian husbands.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
An additional motive is given here, and it is incredibly important … so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Imagine a strained relationship between husband and wife. Irritations, exasperations and other displeasures have been going on throughout the day … and now it is time for you to pray … together. Remember the words of Jesus? “Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. Mt 18:19
There is a special power in prayer when two people agree. But if the two in question are husband and wife, and if they are not in the best of fellowship … prayers go unanswered. That is quite a motive to keep short accounts.
But before we leave this, just a few comments on husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way. Here another short Greek lesson. The word ‘understanding ‘ is simply ‘knowledge’. These days knowledge is easier to get than ever before. Men and women are different in a number of ways. We have access to so much online these days. One good resource is Marriage Builders. The link is in a footnote below.
Peter wraps up this section with,
8 Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.
9 Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.
Doing these things will result in our having a good testimony before the world in these difficult times. It will result in peace in your own heart, it will result in answered prayer for husbands and wives, and finally, Peter says that behaving in this way will actually affect how you enjoy life.
10 For "Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit;
11 let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.
12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."
The contrast between Christians and unbelievers should be clearly evident. Christians are light, those who belong to this world are called ‘dark’. The lines of distinction between the two can be severely blurred in the country in which we live and in this age.
When we as believers begin thinking that the world is really not all that dark … it means that we are really not walking in the light. For one reason or another, we have grown accustomed to the dark. We can’t really say the difference is all that great.
But if, as Peter tells us to do, we Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor, we are really going to stand out in contrast to those around us.
It is our mission to bring people out of darkness and into the light of God. The brighter we shine, the greater the likeliness that we will draw others to faith in Jesus. Peter said back in verse 9, But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.
1Pe 2:9
As Peter moves forward he addresses how to display Christ-like attitude while living in the very closest of relationships. He has said, Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor. Everyone, the Brotherhood (the church), God, and Government.
But now he addresses house-servants. We don’t know a lot about that, but if you have taken in the Downton Abbey series you are very aware of the two very different worlds between the entitled, and the servants. What Peter is talking about here is like that, only possibly worse. So he says, 18 Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust.
19 For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly.
20 For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God.
Showing respect to ‘the boss’ when the boss is miserable, demanding and unappreciative is one of the harder things to do.
If serving your ‘boss’ is merely a matter of your being employed … you would be free to quit if the conditions are that bad. Slaves were not at liberty to quit. So before we think of just quitting, thinking, “I’ve had just about as much of this abuse as I can stomach. I don’t need this. I’m out of here!”, we need to think about our testimony. Remember Peter’s comment about ‘silencing ignorant people’: 15 For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people.
By ‘doing good’. And going back to verse 12: Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.
So this is the reason to stay there and suffer … we are leaving a witness that can be used to bring them to salvation.
The ESV describes this kind of attitude.
19 For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly.
20 For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God.
This is a gracious thing. The original word used in the Greek bible is χάρις charis (pronounced khar’-ece)
The NKJV uses the word ‘commendable’.
19 For this is commendable, if because of conscience toward God one endures grief, suffering wrongfully.
So it is commendable from God’s point of view if we can suffer wrongfully and maintain a godly attitude … but if we do something wrong and get called on it … Peter asks, 20 (a) For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? That would not be called suffering for the cause of Christ. “But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God.”
We have pointed out that we must leave a good impression and witness with those who are making our lives miserable … in order that we will be there for them when they finally need spiritual direction. But in the next verse Peter points out another reason to behave in a loving godly manner. 21 For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps:
We are called to become like Jesus. So whether we are conscious of what kind of a testimony we are leaving with our employer or not … we are still called upon to follow the example of Jesus. There is an acronym out there like this: WWJD. (What would Jesus do). There is no way we can just pause and think, What would Jesus do … and then act accordingly UNLESS we KNOW what Jesus would do. I want to suggest that we change the acronym to WDJD. (What did Jesus do). This automatically requires that we read the gospels and take note of what Jesus did in each circumstance. Peter says that He left us an example so that we could follow in His steps.
In the next verse Peter points out what Jesus did … as an example for us to follow.
22 He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. Even though we have a ‘sin nature’ and He did not, our attitude toward sin is to be like His. We should hate it and do whatever is in our power to curb it … and not excuse it in our lives. Deceit … while it carries the same thought as ‘lying’ actually emphasises craft and guile. Jesus did not try to use words to trick someone, or use His words in such a way as to convince a person of something that is not true. We are to follow His lead.
23 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.
Reviled is a word that is translated many different ways in the various translations.
The BBE version says, “To sharp words he gave no sharp answer”. The ‘Message’ says, “They called Him every name in the book …”. Philips version; ‘Yet when He was insulted …”. The Williams translations: ‘Although He was abused, He never retorted’
And so we get the picture. 23 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.
Can we do that? Can we leave retaliation and evening the score up to God? God says, ‘I will repay!’
Peter continues with, 24 He bore our sins in His own body on the cross, that we might die to sin and live to uprightness. By His wounds you have been healed,
Peter’s argument is this: You cannot say, “I just can’t help it. I am a sinner and I am going to sin.” True, we still have a sin nature … but the healing of Jesus by His work on the cross produced in us a new nature. This nature can live without sinning constantly. As a matter of fact, the new nature does not sin at all. The apostle John states that, in fact, it CANNOT sin.
1Jo 5:18 ¶ We know that whoever is born of God does not sin; but he who has been born of God keeps himself, and the wicked one does not touch him.
This verse has thrown some for a loop. From this verse there have arisen groups who teach that we must all come to the place in our walk with God where we no longer sin. And the rest of us read this verse and think, ‘What? I know I sin .. but this cannot mean that I am not ‘born of God’, can it?’
But before I comment, let’s read another verse from First John;
1Jo 5:4 For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world — our faith.
Notice the word, ‘whatever’ in this verse. In the previous verse we see ‘whoever is born of God’, but in this verse we see, ‘whatever is born of God’. Why the difference? Actually in the original language there is no difference. In both cases the word ‘whatever’ or ‘whoever’ is the same word. It is the word ‘pan’ (or pas, the same word but in a different form). The word ‘pan’ has been adopted into our language, and it simply means ‘everything … whatever’. (We use the word often these days … when we say ‘pandemic’).
All that to say that the word ‘whoever’ was used in First John 5:28 at the theological discretion of translators. In other words, the translator has to decide, “Is the text talking about a person or a thing? What does the context seem to imply?” And then he (or she) had to pick whether they would use a ‘what’ or a ‘who’.
So I will do the same, that is look at the context, and say that ‘pan’ should be translated as ‘whatever’.
So, whatever is born of God cannot sin. We say, when we came to Jesus, we were ‘born from above’. We say that prior to getting saved, we were ‘dead in our trespasses and sins’.
John also used this language. We know that we have passed from death to life, 1 John 3:14
When we were yet in our unbelief … we had a dead spirit. It died when we first understood right from wrong. So, as UNSAVED humans we were very much alive. We could think, laugh, talk … and sin. That part of us is still the same. But now we have a spirit that is no longer dead. It has been born from above. That spirit cannot sin.
Here, once again, is the verse from Peter: 24 He bore our sins in His own body on the cross, that we might die to sin and live to uprightness. By His wounds you have been healed,
Our new desire … which comes from a spirit that is now alive, is to cause our mind to stop sinning whenever possible. The spirit itself cannot sin, and as a result we have both an old nature and a new one. Peter says, by His wounds you have been healed,. He is talking about the new birth. The dead spirit has been made alive … that is the healing that Peter is talking about. (Very many well-meaning preachers have taken this verse entirely out of its setting and have applied it to the physical healing of the body. It is not talking about that at all.)
Going on, 25 For you were like sheep going astray, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
Peter is alluding to this verse from Isaiah: All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned — every one — to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all. Isa 53:6
Earlier Peter was talking about our testimony as it related to our working environment, and then he switched to talking about the example of Jesus, and how he did not ‘talk back’ no matter what.
And that same attitude carries forward into the next section … how husbands and wives should relate to one another. Not only do the proper actions and attitudes that husbands and wives have with each other reflect the degree and happiness we will have in our marriages, but it also shows up in our testimony to those outside of Christ.
The very closest relationship that one human can have with another (who is not physically related) is that of husband and wife. It is much closer than that of employer-employee.
Living in close proximity with another person, specifically your spouse, first of all, requires adjustment. If you are married you know all about that. Once the initial adjustment is mostly completed, a couple will quickly find out that life will still have many bumps. Very stressful situations will appear, sometimes unexpectedly, and the relationship can become very strained. Words might be said … or silences created … that can result in quite a setback, as far as closeness or intimacy is concerned.
We want to avoid things like this, if possible, for a couple of reasons. The obvious one is the lack of joy in the relationship, and the other one is what others will see, or pick up on. And the ‘others’ who notice it could be friends or enemies. Hopefully the friends will be encouragers, but it's the enemies who are always looking to criticize Christians. Peter is very much about maintaining a good testimony before the unsaved.
Now, having said all of that, we will look at chapter 3 verse 1. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,
2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
The very first thing we notice is that Peter is speaking about a particular setting. He is giving us an example of a Christian wife who is married to an unsaved husband.
Peter does not tell us how this situation could have come to exist. He is writing to scattered believers who had to run from Jerusalem and resettle all over parts of Asia minor. They would have escaped from Jerusalem as ‘believing households’. I cannot imagine a Christian wife running … and having her unbelieving husband to run with her.
So more than likely, Peter is writing when a fair amount of time has passed and new attenders are coming into the little house churches.
It sounds as if soul-winning has been taking place … a couple has heard the gospel and the wife is the first one to respond. This immediately creates a situation in her household. There is a disagreement of beliefs that will create concern. The wife, a new and excited believer, wants, more than anything in the world, for her husband to have eternal life. The husband does not like to be told that he needs to make a change or else he will end up in hell for eternity. You can imagine what this does to harmony and romance.
So Peter addresses this. Here is the passage again:
1. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,
2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
The words ‘be subject’ are not popular these days. Paul uses the word ‘respect’. That one is easier to take. I don’t want to take the time here to expand on this, except to say that ‘submission’ is voluntary in the sense that husbands never have the right to demand such a thing. This is scripture speaking … not to the men, but directly to the woman. So in that sense, she would be submitting to God … a thing which we all must do.
The husband in Peter’s example is described as a person who does not obey the word. That is just another way of saying, unsaved, not born again, an unbeliever etc.
There is hope in this verse. It says that … he may be won. That is good news. But it gets better. It says that he may be won without a word. That should take a lot of pressure off. But wait a minute … how is this going to happen? by the conduct of their wives, So that’s the catch. The wife will be on her best behaviour. She will be behaving totally Christian in all of her responses and attitudes. OK, so the pressure is back on. The husband needs to see your respectful and pure conduct.
I know, no one is perfect. But this is not an excuse. It is a heads-up that something else must be adopted.
The Christian wife needs to do her best in walking with Christ daily. Secondly, she needs to make it clear to her husband that this is her DESIRE. Perhaps she needs to tell her husband that when she fails … and she will, that she will first apologize to God and next she will apologize to her spouse. “I am sorry honey … the way I responded was not good … I hurt both you and God. Please forgive me.”
If the Christian wife has been living with her non-christian husband for a period of years and she has not been living a consistent Christian life in front of him, if she has ‘blown it’ many times, perhaps, then it is likely time for her to do a ‘restart’. (not a popular term these days?)
This would involve a ‘sit-down’ talk that would begin with a confession to her husband. This confession must be totally honest and include a statement regarding her re-commitment to Christ. In this recommitment she would affirm her love for her spouse, and her desire to do things as a united couple whenever possible, BUT that her commitment to Christ, which she has not really made a number one priority, will now come first.
And, for example, if, as a couple, she has been enjoying humour that has been ‘off-colour’ she has to apologize for that. There are 1001 other examples, but I will leave this to your own imagination and application.
The husband must see your respectful and pure conduct.
Peter lays out clearly what a wife must emphasize to her husband.
3. Do not let your adorning be external — the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear —
4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
God is not wishing to put laws and rules upon anyone. What I see here is a process of recommitment to Christ that will begin in the heart … with a fresh decision, and over a short period of time will work itself to the outside, to attitudes and actions.
And then Peter … perhaps sensing that there could possibly be some resentment from a few Christian wives, goes back a couple of thousand years for an ‘example’. Can’t you just hear some people saying, “But Peter, you are clearly not aware of the culture. that is simply not acceptable. Husbands and wives are equal.”
But Peter says, 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 Sarah, you will remember, obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. And you have become her true descendants today as long as you too live good lives and do not give way to hysterical fears.
Peter is using biblical history as some kind of authority on which to base his teaching. The apostle Paul did the same thing but goes back further than Sarah. He goes right back to Adam and Eve.
Next Peter gives some advice that really balances the equation in such a way that genuine harmony will be felt at home and seen by others. This comment of Peter’s is addressed to Christian husbands.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
An additional motive is given here, and it is incredibly important … so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Imagine a strained relationship between husband and wife. Irritations, exasperations and other displeasures have been going on throughout the day … and now it is time for you to pray … together. Remember the words of Jesus? “Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. Mt 18:19
There is a special power in prayer when two people agree. But if the two in question are husband and wife, and if they are not in the best of fellowship … prayers go unanswered. That is quite a motive to keep short accounts.
But before we leave this, just a few comments on husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way. Here another short Greek lesson. The word ‘understanding ‘ is simply ‘knowledge’. These days knowledge is easier to get than ever before. Men and women are different in a number of ways. We have access to so much online these days. One good resource is Marriage Builders. The link is in a footnote below.
Peter wraps up this section with,
8 Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.
9 Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.
Doing these things will result in our having a good testimony before the world in these difficult times. It will result in peace in your own heart, it will result in answered prayer for husbands and wives, and finally, Peter says that behaving in this way will actually affect how you enjoy life.
10 For "Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit;
11 let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.
12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."